Category Archives: Real Life

Daggy Dancing (In A Dress)

For Mike Carver on twitter, who generously donated to my Do It In A Dress fundraising page to help raise money to send women in Sierra Leone to school.

Since he donated over $15, Mike got to request something for me to do in my dress. He requested: Daggy dancing.

I’m not saying this is definitely the coolest video on Youtube, but it’s hands-down the best one featuring me dancing to Die Antwoord in a school dress for charity.

If you’d like to suggest something similarly amazing for me to do, and help give a girl in Africa an education, donate $15 or more here:

Do It In A Dress


In Which Bridget Is Bad At Modern Medicine

So I’m bad at taking care of myself, okay? I eat too much food or I don’t eat anything at all, I don’t buy new clothes unless they have physically fallen apart in some area that covers my bum or breasticles (frayed and holey cuffs are fine because who even looks at those anyway?), I don’t take the multivitamins concerned friends and family buy for me because I forget and also they taste like potpourri, I stress myself until I either faint or fall asleep in the middle of the day for 14 hours, I never start Uni assignments until the day before they’re due, and my toenails have needed clipping for like three days and I still haven’t done it.

I’m really bad at being a competent grown up.

The worst part, in the sense that it seems to bother my longsuffering loved ones the most, is my disinclination to ever see a doctor. I like to think of it as an adorable quirk! You can too.

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Why Rape Jokes Are Never Funny (To Women)

Trigger warning: Discussion and descriptions of rape.

Imagine you’re at work and someone starts loudly criticising you in front of everyone. They’ve never met you before, never done your job, and they have no idea what they’re talking about. Jesus Christ they are out of line and annoying.

That’s what hecklers are to comedians. It’s stupid, it’s selfish, it often totally misses the point of the comedian’s humour and it’s just really annoying for everyone involved. Don’t do it.

A lady heckled a comedian onstage recently because he said that rape jokes are always funny. She called out that no, not to her they weren’t.

I have a very strong suspicion that she was missing his point entirely – it has been widely speculated since this incident went viral that thank you Ted, that was the joke: The humour in his statement was supposed to be derived from mocking the idea that rape jokes are always funny. At least, that’s what people who are fans of his have been saying. I’d never heard of him before yesterday.

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Mini-blog: Shoes

When I was about sixteen, I had a pair of school shoes that were really old. They had worn away at the soles, especially on the left hand side because there was a slope in the road I took to walk home from the train station after school.

The heels had big holes in them and were all sunken so I had to adjust the way I walked or I’d tilt backwards a bit. When I was bored I would poke my finger into the holes and make them move like little mouths. One day my left shoe got a rock in the heel through its holeI got it out but another rock got in about three minutes later so I gave it up as Too Hard and carried on with my life.

One day I was in my school uniform at home and mum asked, “What’s that sound?”, and I said, “Oh, that’s my shoe rock!” She looked really horrified and was like, “We are getting you new shoes NOW. What is wrong with you???” And I was like, “Awww no, I don’t need new shoes, these ones still keep out the rain and (most of) the outside world and that’s all they’re meant to do so it’s fine!” And she looked at me like she was really horrified and baffled about how I turned out this way, like the mothers of gang leaders or Juggalos.

That weekend we had to go buy new shoes, and it was SO BORING and it took like TEN WHOLE MINUTES and it was TOTALLY UNNECESSARY because my old shoes were FINE. I didn’t even mind my shoe rock because it was kind of like a little mate who played percussion everywhere I went.

Last night, Amos made me buy new runners because they have holes in them (not even big enough for a shoe rock!) and have “lost grip”. They are fine. He made me spend like at LEAST six minutes looking at shoes online and having to pick one and THEN pick a colour like I ever look at my own shoes. He acted like he was doing me a FAVOUR making me do this.

Nobody gets me.

Unverified: Pilot podcast

Oh my giddy aunt’s fanny, it’s the pilot episode of The Unverified Podcast!

Hear my erotic fiction, Ben’s views on ‘Girls’, my amazing Sherlock impression and our failed attempt to bring Roseanne back to relevance.

Direct download

Download in iTunes

Listener reviews:

“Listening to your podcast. Like, now. AS I TWEET!” – Mark Cippola, Twitter

“This better be the funniest fun I’ve ever had in my life or else I want my money back.” -Dan Hawkey, Facebook

“If you’ve ever met my wife, chances are you’ve heard her talk. Now hear her do it some more… With this guy.” -Amos Phillips, Facebook

“Bridget and Ben have a new podcast, and they asked me to plug it without any regard for their integrity.” -Paul Verhoeven, Twitter

Search Term Problems

Hi guys! I gave this entry a punny title as a guarantee that it only gets better from there, but then I used the word “punny” and ruined everything. Sorry about that.

Every now and then, I check the “search terms” that people type into google (or, if they’ve just powered through three-quarters of a bottle of vodka and feel like cutting themselves but don’t want to wind up in the emergency room again, Bing) to find this website. Sometimes it’s predictable: “bridget neval” Hurr dat’s mah nayme! Sometimes it’s obscure: “you bet your pierogi I’m Polish.”

But occasionally I’m given reason to feel bad for the people searching, because somehow the internet thought that my website would lead them to their answers and they must have been bitterly disappointed, like I was that time my dog and I were playing fetch and she brought back a human shin bone when I CLEARLY threw a human femur. There’s no fun in the game if you keep getting it WRONG, dog! Jesus. Go away. Just… go wait in the car. I can’t look at you right now.

So I want to help these people out. I’ve selected a few search terms that have led people to this site in vain. I want to make your life more vainy. Here. Have some answers.

Search term: “i hate fat black people”

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Open Letter To Samantha Brick

(Response to this article by Samantha Brick in The Daily Mail, 03 April 2012, in which Brick claims that “women hate beautiful women”.)

Hello, Samantha! 🙂

I’m gonna massively mess with your mind right now: I’m not gonna tell you what I look like. I’m not gonna say what my ethnicity is, my hair or eye colour, my height, weight, shoe size: Nothing. I’m also not going to give my opinion of your looks. All we need to know about each other is that we are both women, and one of us wrote an article that made me want to peel all my skin off (Hint: That was you). Continue reading