Dear Clothes That Live At The Bottom Of My Washing Basket,
It’s not you, it’s me. You were lovely! I bought you, wore you that one time… Remember the wearing time? Oh, what fun we had. But you’re hand-wash only, so I put you in the basket and let’s face it: All the good intentions in the world aren’t going to get you out of there. I’m sorry. You deserve better.
Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time to accept a universal truth that deserves some long-overdue recognition: Magazines know more about human interaction than you do.
It’s just a sad fact. No matter how many romantic relationships, platonic friendships, genial work associations and cordial interactions with strangers that you successfully manoeuvre throughout your life, you will still be woefully inadequate when compared to those damnable weekly periodicals. I mean, look at how shiny they are. You can’t argue with shiny.