I wrote another article for Ben Vernel’s comedy website Bon Vivant. It’s about how I’m not good at a bunch of things but do them anyway. Here it am:
Three Things I Consistently Forget I Can’t Do
Look. Just because I’ve been living in this body for a bunch of years and have no concrete memories of ever operating another one (apparently wishing REALLY REALLY hard that I was Bruce Willis and wearing a white singlet doesn’t count), it doesn’t mean that I have to be some kind of preternaturally intuitive expert on the damn thing. What am I, Superman Jesus? (Again, no, because of the wishing thing.)
Hello! I wrote an article for Bon Vivant, a comedy website run by the splendid Ben Vernel. It’s about how and why I shun automobiles, bicycles (even penny-farthings) and skis. Here it be:
I Don’t Drive by Bridget Neval
(via Bon Vivant, 7 December 2011)
A semi-autobiographical rambling I came up with back in 2009. Follow our hero (me, of course) as she navigates the strange and exciting world of share-house living. Featuring a cast of lovable oddballs and told in adorably disjointed prose.
Written by B. Phillips
I stared. The dame in the mirror stared back. I tossed my head, she tossed hers (not in a gay way).
Looking good, Bridgey, I thought to myself, admiring the way my hair cascaded over pale shoulders, teasingly revealing just a hint of firm, supple breasts beneath the flowing locks. I eyed the rest of my reflection. Long, smooth legs, slim, taut stomach… Yes sir. Things were looking good. I slid a hand down, inching towards-
“Bridget!” A voice startled me, and I fell to the floor in a tangle of limbs. “Are you molesting the mannequin again?”