Category Archives: Humour
The Unverified Drinking Game
It’s been three episodes now (well, two episodes and a pilot) and I’m starting to see some patterns emerge in the Unverifed podcast. Any time I notice anything, I try to use it as an excuse to drink. Therefore, I present to you The Unverified Podcast Drinking Game! Tee Em me, because I writed it.
Take a swig (what, we aren’t in high school anymore) when:
- Bridget makes a poop joke. (Because we’re not in high school but poop is always funny.)
- Someone says the word “comedy”.
- Someone recommends a podcast/movie/tv show/comedian.
- Bridget and Ben agree.
- Someone makes a masturbation joke.
- Bridget has never heard of the thing Ben is reviewing/referencing.
- Bridget makes a pee joke.
- The Simpsons are quoted.
- A place in Melbourne is mentioned and you don’t get it because you’re not from Melbourne.
- A place in Melbourne is mentioned and you DO get it and you’re like, “Haw I know where that is!”
- Ben comes across as much smarter than Bridget.
- Ben mentions that he’s been to a comedy show in the past week.
- Bridget mentions Batman.
Take two swigs when:
- Ben labels a joke someone just made. (Eg: “Call-back!”)
- Bridget mentions her sister, husband, or dog.
- More than five podcasts/movies/tv shows etc are recommended in one episode.
- Bridget and Ben disagree.
- There is a sketch.
- Bridget mentions that she’s been to a comedy show in the past week.
- Bridget does a weird voice. (Canadian accent doesn’t count.)
- Some kind of vagina/penis monster or deformity is mentioned.
- Something from the BBC or Adult Swim is recommended.
- Ben or Bridget admit to a weird sexual attraction to someone or something.
- Ben and Bridget use in-YOUR-endo on each other.
Slam your whole dang drink if:
- Bridget’s vagina bats are mentioned. (It happens, but you’ll need a drink afterwards.)
- Bridget HAS heard of the podcast/movie/tv show/thing that Ben is reviewing.
- Ben HASN’T heard of the podcast/movie/tv show/thing that Bridget is reviewing.
- They spend the whole podcast talking about what Jeff Bridges would have been like to go to school with.
- You’ve imagined what Bridget and Ben look like in real life, and are shattered by the reality:
Ben
Bridget
Mini-blog: Shoes
When I was about sixteen, I had a pair of school shoes that were really old. They had worn away at the soles, especially on the left hand side because there was a slope in the road I took to walk home from the train station after school.
The heels had big holes in them and were all sunken so I had to adjust the way I walked or I’d tilt backwards a bit. When I was bored I would poke my finger into the holes and make them move like little mouths. One day my left shoe got a rock in the heel through its hole. I got it out but another rock got in about three minutes later so I gave it up as Too Hard and carried on with my life.
One day I was in my school uniform at home and mum asked, “What’s that sound?”, and I said, “Oh, that’s my shoe rock!” She looked really horrified and was like, “We are getting you new shoes NOW. What is wrong with you???” And I was like, “Awww no, I don’t need new shoes, these ones still keep out the rain and (most of) the outside world and that’s all they’re meant to do so it’s fine!” And she looked at me like she was really horrified and baffled about how I turned out this way, like the mothers of gang leaders or Juggalos.
That weekend we had to go buy new shoes, and it was SO BORING and it took like TEN WHOLE MINUTES and it was TOTALLY UNNECESSARY because my old shoes were FINE. I didn’t even mind my shoe rock because it was kind of like a little mate who played percussion everywhere I went.
Last night, Amos made me buy new runners because they have holes in them (not even big enough for a shoe rock!) and have “lost grip”. They are fine. He made me spend like at LEAST six minutes looking at shoes online and having to pick one and THEN pick a colour like I ever look at my own shoes. He acted like he was doing me a FAVOUR making me do this.
Nobody gets me.
