Dear Jesse

Dear Jesse,

You’re lucky you can’t read, because I’m about to yell at you.

Screw you, adorable puppy.

My husband Amos and I have wanted a dog for years. We searched rescue shelter sites for months to find one that we would be able to provide a good “forever” home for.

When we saw your profile, Amos said, “That’s our dog.” Then we learned that you were a four hour drive away and we said, “Oh. Screw that noise.”

We kept looking, and we couldn’t find anyone as stupidly awesome as you. “Four hours isn’t THAT long,” we said.

We talked to Peta at the Wodonga Rescue Shelter to make sure we’d be giving you a good home. She said you wouldn’t mind being the only pet, that you loved all people even kids, and that you were cuddly and delightful.

We drove to get you and decided on the way that we’d call you Jesse, because Breaking Bad is awesome.

You were the friendliest little thing in the whole world. You got upset when we wouldn’t let you chase the ducks because we are SO MEAN. You wanted to say hi to every single person in the park.

We signed some forms, paid Peta and she said goodbye to you. She cried, because you were a special favourite of hers.

We drove you home and you didn’t even whine or poop in the car or anything.

Jesse in her new home (pic by Dee Fidge).

We got you some supplies at the pet store on the way home. You grabbed a stuffed raccoon off the shelf and bit into it and it made the weirdest noise ever. We bought it for you. You love your Coon.

Jesse spooning her Coon.

We introduced you to our flatmates and they loved you.

Robby and Jesse, BFFs.

You ran around chasing rats.

You spazzed out at the birds because that’s YOUR tree now. You jumped but you still couldn’t catch them.

You slept outside. For about two days, then we let you sleep in our room by the bed.

We took you to puppy school and you were so well-behaved, except for that time you peed on the floor and also when you thought a floofy little dog was a cat and went a bit mental.

Today, the vet rang me and said that you have malformed kidneys, which is why you’ve always been a bit skinny and weird about food no matter what we tried to make you eat.

Dogs with malformed kidneys usually die before they’re two.

You’re almost a year and a half.

Screw you, stupid lovable sick stupid puppy.

This morning before the vet, you bounced around and ran up to me with your Coon to play tug of war.

You love the Stomp Around And Make Noise game, where you and Amos or I stomp around and make noise.

You get so excited at the park to meet new people and animals, even though you hate being on the lead.

You want to go into every single house that we walk past, and look in every single shop when we go down Bridge Road for coffee.

Amos taught you to shake, and he’s never taught a dog anything before.

You are so interested in the world and full of beans. I can’t understand why you are dying.

I’m not going to be able to play Stomp Around And Make Noise when you go.

Amos isn’t going to have anyone to cuddle with on the floor (because we don’t let you on the furniture) or on his lap (because it doesn’t count if you’re not TOUCHING the furniture).

Floor cuddles!

Your silly Coon with its stupid, weird noise will make me cry because it won’t be YOU making it do that, it’ll be me, squeezing it before I throw it out because no other dog could love it like you do.

You are so good with kids. You were supposed to meet ours someday.

Screw you, you horrible amazing little mutt.

I wanted to love you for so much longer than this.

I’m just gonna have to cram it all into the last few weeks/months we get together.

You aren’t going to understand why everyone around you is suddenly really cuddly and leaky from the eyes. You licked my tears off before, which was cute even though your breath smells and you’d probably just been licking your butthole.

I’m glad you don’t know that you’re sick, so you can keep enjoying everything like a big silly goober. I do wish I could tell you how much I love you though, and say thank you for being my little friend even though we aren’t going to hang out for as long as I thought.

Love you. Please give Amos heaps of licks tonight because he’s gutted. I’m sorry I said screw you before. It’s not your fault.

Sincerely,

The Girl One Whose Crotch You Like To Sniff

Update: 19 June 2012

Jesse was put down about an hour ago. She went very peacefully, with Amos, Deirdre, Robby and I giving her loads of very tearful cuddles. My heart’s a bit broken right now, but it was the best thing to do for her.

Jesse this morning.

Huge, massive, heartfelt thanks to Dr Mel and everyone at the Swan Street Vet in Richmond. They have all been incredible throughout this horrific situation and I don’t know how I would have coped without their support and advice.

Thanks to everyone who’s emailed/twittered and wished Jesse well.

xo A very snotty, leaky-eyeball Bridget