Some of the best people I know were bullied mercilessly at school. They’re now strong, confident people who are comfortable in their own skin now but I think that came through the fire of having been treated so badly. They had to CHOOSE to like themselves and stand tall rather than having self-esteem and self-worth come naturally.
The dude who’s now my husband broke my heart when he told me the following story: He was 16, overweight, had been picked on all his life. He was a sensitive, insecure kid living in a small town where social options were fairly sparse. One day after school, he sat in his living room and cried. His father found him. He said, “Dad, what’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone like me?”
Today, that man is athletic, handsome, popular and one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. (And I’m not just saying that through a haze of love-induced hero worship.) After I’d known him for a couple of months, I told him, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t act like a good-looking person.” He replied that it was because of his past: After being the fat, bullied kid for so long, he knew the value of being nice and how much it can matter to other people.
What’s the point of this rambling? I don’t know. If you’re being bullied, it sucks now – it’s not fair – but it’s not forever. Who you are as a teen or when you’re in a situation where you’re being treated badly isn’t representative of who you will always be, or your worth as a person.
Also, as a little epilogue: A little while ago, my husband and I were in the small town he grew up in. One of the people who’d bullied him the worst (actually tried to run him down with his car at one point) ran into us on the street. He couldn’t have been more embarrassed, humble and submissive if he’d rolled over and peed. It was clear that he was mortified by his past actions and terrified that my husband would bring them up. He didn’t, because he’s a bigger person than I would have been (“HA! Sucked in! I’m in a big city living my dreams and you’re stuck here with no job drinking Jim Beam at 10 in the morning! HA YOU SUCK!”). But afterwards, he told me that it was a very cathartic meeting. May all victims find the same catharsis.
